Wednesday, September 29, 2010

A Spoon for Every Candle

Happy, haaappy 5th birthday to my Ava Bean!

If I had a dime for every time my heart & soul has sank or soared walking by your side, we would be rich…filthy, dirty rich. If I was granted a wish for every jewel of a friend that has been sent to help us navigate this life, no child would ever again be this kind of sick.

Because as hard as the past 5-years have been, the rewards for all the adversity, humility and the hurdles that have found us comprise more than enough. A sparkly, clean window looking at an ideal picture of what life is really about; those ever so minuscule things this world usually takes for granted day by day. We have been forced to stop and smell the flowers, adore the wind and dance in the rain. That my dear, is a gift you should continue to hold very near.

I must confess that I do not allow myself, at least yet, to look too far into our future. There was a time when making it to 5 was the last thing on my mind; I wasn’t sure if you would make it to be 1 or even 2. And yes, I am trying to start letting go of all these unknowns I can’t understand let alone control. Perhaps focusing on being a better rested mom in lieu of master worry wart would serve us more. But working in a long-term facility for my C.N.A this winter was not helpful towards this process. I do not want to die wondering, “Who will take care of my sweet Ava?”

My how you have astounded and surpassed many folks and their expectations of you in the last few months. I believe you will get where ever you want to be, maybe even away from that place in my mind that shouldn’t dwell on who will be there for you when I’m gone. I also think you could quite possibly be the most loved little girl ever!

Joe and Aliza found a very GIANT number five balloon and sweet treats for our family celebration last night. We are having a small brunch this Saturday, we partied it up in her classroom yesterday and…

We celebrated with a girls Saturday out on the Pearl Street Mall, in Boulder, enjoying the Farmer’s Market and Fall Festival this past weekend. We ran into some old friends and found some new. Ava and I also came upon this super neat birthday present, a spoon to commemorate each year. She loves the shiny, noise making, antique beauty and couldn’t stop looking at the booth housing many versions of it. By chance, like most of our life, there it was; a super cool music making masterpiece!

The best part of the day, Ava randomly met a buddy in the community with a similar life battle. She lives in Loveland, just across I-25. A little comrade fighting the same e-monster is possibly the best birthday gift a girl can be sent; especially when she is willing to take Ava out for a dance. No puzzling stares, no wonders in their eyes, just a beautiful opportunity for a couple of girls to be girls.

We all adore you, dear.


Deana said...

Oh this was absolutely lovely! Happy Birthday to your sweet girl!! Max 5th birthday, was a very emotional one for me. Such a milestone!!

Krista :) said...

Man, I can't believe she's already FIVE! I love this post...beautiful! I can't wait to meet this tiny warrior face to face someday. :)

ferfischer said...

I love the idea of the spoons! I hope she had a great birthday! I imagine Cicis 5th will be emotional for me too.

Jennifer said...

beautiful post....wish I would have read it sooner...wish to sit down with you some day soon, I have a feeling we could talk for hours...we have the same fear, "who will take care of them when I'm gone?" you are awesome and I am glad I can call you a to all!