Saturday, March 27, 2010

Reclamation of My Mind

People are strange and I am certainly no exception to the rule. There are days I wake up and pinch myself thinking shit girl; you are MORE normal than most folks with half of your problems. Other days I wake wide-eyed, ready to sprint to the finish; focusing on the sole thought of the damned day (or whatever unpleasant part of that day) to be over. I no longer wish for things not to be; I just wish for the unpleasant to pass, quickly.

Then there are days I wake up prepared to box the match of my life; perhaps even with those not up for a spar. And on occasion there are days that I don’t want to wake up at all. Sound familiar? For the sake of my own sense of sanity, I certainly hope so and there's really no need to answer.

As I brood over the past four bitter-sweet years of my life I am trying to come up with a system of SANITY for myself. I once thought…things will be different but life will become manageable again. That notion is slowly fading off to some distant, possibly irretrievable place.

I’m starting to think about what my life may look like a few years from now when Ava is in 1st grade, all day long. Do I want to continue accounting, on a CMA level? What do I do with all this damn knowledge about the system I have taken many hours to meticulously acquire over these said years? How will I ever manage to facilitate a schedule that is conducive to any of this?

Anyways, you think I would have learned by now to cross that bridge when-ever I arrive. I’m starting to focus on some more current issues; summer, big school transitions, a few house upkeep items a feisty 14-month old and an ever-changing 4-year old.

I’m kicking around setting a few goals to focus on. The Courage Classic, probably not until 2011 though. I also heard a rumor that Sunset in the Country was going to be held at the Shanahan house this year on the last Friday of July or the first Friday of August. Any table theme ideas or anyone interested in a $125/seat evening?? Will see what happens...price subject to change :)

On to more important things, tonight I raise my beer high to toast good ‘ole Mamma Briggs. She was a fun, lively character and I’m glad that she’s at peace; probably laughing at all of us silly suckers still living the dream. I will certainly miss her stories of our high-school ruckus and enjoying a beer with her while back in Gordon. Patty, you will be missed!

*Muah*

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You always continue to be a strong and motivating woman. I miss you and hope things stay positive.
Love, Em

TheRextras said...

"a system of SANITY for myself"

I like that - might quote you.

Sincere sympathy on the loss of your best friend. Beer is good.